____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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