i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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