The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize