actually, I'm a sock model
oh god the rape fog is back!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
