I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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