why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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