arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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