hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
