I wish I only lived at night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize