I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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