I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
