My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just pee around me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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