You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
