the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize