you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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