turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
