I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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