im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Are these your boobs on my camera?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize