you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
