Quick, to the slutcave!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
