I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
