Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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