Its about making memories worth repressing
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize