I heard we made out
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
