So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize