Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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