Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
