My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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