shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
