Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The best revenge is premature balding
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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