im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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