Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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