Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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