hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
