Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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