Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
