worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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