I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This baby is an asshole
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Text me some of your sweat
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
