Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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