I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
