after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
