Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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