dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need moral support for this bender
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
