Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
