I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
