Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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