I hope mine doesn't look like that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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