I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
