I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish you could order shots online.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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