I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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