Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
