They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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