Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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