It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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