FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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