I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
