and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
