U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
