Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
