Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
