Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
