she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hippo gnu deer
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Enjoy the penises
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
