The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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