Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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