We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
