Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
