Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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