oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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