I think I died a long time ago.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
