And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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