I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
