I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You dont lie about slip and slides
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
