she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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