I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
