I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize