my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
