I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
