Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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