Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
