Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dignity is for republicans.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
