Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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