drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
