i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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