They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
