I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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