So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
