Sponge bath it is.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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