You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
