Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize