So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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